Doing the Double Red Flag Wave

This post is about something I, and much of the world, like to call the "Little Red Flag". You know, it's that weird vibe you get when something isn't quite kosher, the gut instinct that tells you to forget about exploring the basement, chuck the flashlight, and get the hell out. You may have heard Dory from Finding Nemo make reference to it...

I actually have a great story about the Little Red Flag and why it's important to listen when it starts to wag. Ready? Here goes...

One upon a time, I started going to this really great gym. I liked it because it was low key and the clientele was non-invasive, which means it was filled with old people and die-hard marathon trainees. This was a nice change of pace (pun definitely intended), as most of the gyms I had been to were full of half-naked chicks and dudes who liked to throw free weights while grunting like Millenial cavemen. No offense to said gymrats, but I wanted a more relaxed gymnasium (there was even a Rastafarian trainer). 

I devised a pretty easy workout schedule: every day on my lunch break, work out for thirty-five minutes, shower, and head back to office sans the scent of dirty gym shoe. Things were going swimmingly, but a couple of weeks in I noticed this guy staring at me. He was a trainer and, at first, I was sort of startled. I just happened to glance over one day as he was walking by and BAM! Suddenly, he was under the impression that we had some big connection because, after that, he was every where I looked. Initially I thought it was flattering. I mean, he wasn't exactly my type, but he wasn't a rat-faced weirdo either, so it was a compliment on some level. I didn't feel the need to worry about it, because I assumed he had seen my wedding ring. 

  

RED FLAG NUMERO UNO: 

Whatever you put out is what you get back. 

So I can admit that, at this point in my life, I embraced fitness more to "look good" than anything else. It's funny because I probably would have fit in much better at the gym referenced above (with all the models and meatheads), as that's where my focus was centered. Of course I wanted to be healthy, but my main objective was to be sexually attractive. There's no point sugar-coating the truth. When we say we want to "look good", we mean we want to be attractive, and we don't mean mentally. Clearly, my aim was heeding a response, as it quickly became obvious that this dude was attracted to me, and not for my sense of style (which, athletically, was a cross between a soccer player and a punk rocker). I was putting out a particular energy and he picked up on it. The ring was inconsequential, at least to him. Looking back I realize that the attitude I released had done its job, and even though I wanted to be sexually attractive for my husband, you can't always control how your vibe will affect others. Now, I wasn't running around like some dime store hussy, shaking my goods in his face, but where you focus your mind does affect the way you come off. It gives you a sort of shine that specific people can see. In fishing, this is the ol' "two fish, one hook" phenomenon. Although we buy that shiny new lure to reel in a single derby winner, sometimes we end up hooking a lot more than we bargain for, and this situation was no different.

Typically, I don't go after attention because, whenever I try, I end up doing something stupid, like pulling a giant face plant, and I do mean GIANT. Me and attracting attention go together like oil and water. We just don't jive. Being real and being personal is a better route because, one: like I said, trying to attract attention always gets me into trouble; and, two: being my freaky, nutso self lands me with the right attention. Case in point: by trying to "look good" I ended up grabbing the attention of someone I didn't want. Had I realized that I already did look good and, by working out, I would simply enhance that reality by being the healthiest version of myself, I probably never would have connected with a "grasper", or person willing to overlook the ring in order to get what he wanted.   

But as they say, live and learn. 

RED FLAG NUMERO DOS:

Even though YOU know you're not crazy, your friends and family treat you like a leper.

Family Reaction to New Predicament: 

"Oh, he probably does that to everyone." 

Boss Reaction to New Predicament: 

"Eh...guy likely stares at any half-way decent girl that walks in..." 

Is it really out of the realm of possibility that a person might be right about someone else's behavior? Sometimes friends and family try to reassure us in backhanded ways. Of course, they don't typically realize what they're doing, but a lot of times people assume that another person is blowing a situation out of proportion. That can be very dangerous, especially when someone is operating from a place of clear consciousness. In my case, after a couple of months of listening to friends and family, it became blatantly obvious that the prospect of homeboy checking out "everyone" was just not true, at least, not when I was around. It graduated to a borderline obsessive situation that led to me having nightmares. This was not good and I was a little peeved that rather than listen to my gut I had listened to people who weren't even remotely connected to the situation. They hadn't seen the guy, had no clue how he behaved in my presence, and failed to recognize the emotional impact the situation had caused. This emotional fallout only doubled when my loved ones started treating me like I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I know that their intent was not to be mean, but sometimes when we try to belittle an event to assuage a person's feelings, we end up belittling the person instead.

Once the guy started to infiltrate my dreams, I knew I had to leave the gym. It was a sad day, because I really loved that gym, but I knew that if I continued to listen to everyone else and not to my gut, I could be in for a world of hurt. I started going to a different location nearby with a wide selection of peeps. It wasn't all that great. So I quit the gym and started to work out with Daniel and Kelli at Fitnessblender.com, two hard-nosed trainers who keep it real when they're working out. Love 'em! Love the snot of of 'em, even when they're killing me with an extra set of weighted squats! 

AMAZING, 

AWESOME, and STELLARFIED 

CONCLUSION...

Listen to your gut. It knows you best. It knows a situation best. The subconscious picks up on hundreds of thousands of signals every day, whereas the conscious mind can only see 10% of it. Our body gives us signals. Our dreams give us signals. Even our waking mind will allow the subconscious to poke its head in every now and then to give us a wake up call. When your gut waves that Little Red Flag, don't rip it down and bury it, don't give it to someone else to wave - heed the warning and move on. Make a change. Work to liberate. We are powerful beings and our instincts are very accurate. It is only when the conditioned mind intrudes on those instincts that we suffer fallout.  

Listen to the small, soft voice inside of you. It speaks more clearly than the thunderous beat of society ever could.