What's Your Definition?

Photo by Liz West

Self Rendering

I am of the firm belief that there are certain words in the English language (or any language, for that matter) that actually feel how they sound.  

Tenderness. 
Cattawumpus.  
Hysterical.  
Elegant.  

These are the kind of words that embody their definition, so when we say them or think about them, their meaning is not only understood, but also felt.  I was mulling this over the other day and it occurred to me that the same idea can be applied to people.  We have the capacity to embody our own definitions.  We have our own meanings and concepts, and they touch and inspire, or rob and raze, all based on how we define ourselves.  It is self-perception that we share with the rest of the world, a concept that is, again, not just understood, but also felt.  

While we may not be able to control the way other people perceive us, we can control the way we perceive ourselves. What other people think about who we are doesn't really matter, because they aren't living our lives.  Case in point - if a person doesn't know what led up to a particular choice, they really can't have an opinion about it. That would be like someone who doesn't read sheet music composing the New York Symphony.  It's silly and ridiculous, and would likely receive one hell of a rotten review.  

Survey Says: THUMBS DOWN!

Photo by kelmevo

Basically, the only person who can have an opinion about your life is you. The same goes for other people. Only they can conceive a judgment about their lives. That judgment is something I call a "Self Rendering". Self Rendering is acknowledging who we are at our system core and living in accordance with that idea.  So, to break it down, it's knowing and living who we are to such an extent that we straight work that shit. No shirts or shoes required.  Of course, learning how we define ourselves is a little difficult when we're in constant contact with other people. Sometimes we can get caught up in their world and lose site of our boundaries. But no matter what, you're still working a unique point of view. Even if you find yourself slipping into that pesky mainstream, you're perspective of it is individualized. In fact, every facet of your personality is Cafe Solo - that is, totally exclusive.  It will never manifest in this particular form again, which means you embody an infallible definition, one that can never be undone.  You have rendered your own priceless portrait, and its canvas reflects your life. 

To really understand the concept of rendering, we need only look at it through the eyes of an artist.  An artistic rendering is a depiction or interpretation that occurs in perspective to express a particular point of view.  In short, it's giving art definition, or depth, through perspective. We all have our own perspective of life and it defines who we are at our system core. It also drives how we share ourselves with the world.  

Photo by Dennis Skley

Pause. Reset. Re-Render. 

There are plenty of times in life when we feel off-balance. This is usually because our system core and our behavior are not fully in sync. It happens when we lose ourselves in the collective world. We allow it to drive us, instead of us driving it. If you ever feel this happening to you, the best response is to step back and take a breath. Look at life from an objective point of view. NOT judgmental, but objective.  To give you a head's up on objectivity, it means that you disassociate yourself from social conjecture (i.e. everyone else's opinion) to impartially observe the elements of a particular rendering. In this case, that rendering is you. Use observation to understand and feel where it is you are coming from. Determine whether this is a place outside yourself. Often times we expect the world to validate our worth by supporting our desires, but if we aren't in sync with what we truly want, how can we know that what the world is giving us corresponds with our ideals? 

C'mere...I want to tell you something amazing...

What I'm about to divulge is TOP SECRET. That means it's CLASSIFIED. As such, within twenty seconds of your finishing this blog post, the message will automatically self-destruct. I hope you have laptop insurance...

Okay, here's the Big Secret: 

If you're having trouble figuring out who you are, and if the objectivity exercise above is giving you the stump, don't fret. Sometimes when we try to push ourselves, we end up digging a bigger hole. The key is: DON'T PUSH! Objectivity is all about lightening oneself, not manipulating a response. We all know how to be unbiased. It's hard wired into our system core. Think of a time when two friends were fighting and you didn't want to get involved. Or maybe there was an office scuffle and you decided to back out of it. Or there could even have been a time when two sports teams were playing and everyone was arguing, but you couldn't give a hoot. Take a moment to lock into those feelings. Remember how easy it was to let go of the final outcome. This is the formula for objectivity: knowing that we are not on trial and that the final outcome will not render a negative consequence. Again, objectivity is never about judgment. It is simply bringing the truth to light. Practice this formula until you feel you can examine yourself without passing judgment. Look in the mirror and wipe away all the conditioning forced on you by society. Let go of the idea that you should look a certain way or be a certain way. Surrender to who you are right at this moment and believe that you are good enough.   

Once you feel ready (and note that this could take a little time), allow that objectivity to bleed into other areas of your life. It's important to understand that every aspect of who we are is reflected by the choices we make. The people we choose to associate with, the things we purchase, the food we eat, etc. These things represent decisions we have made in the past, decisions that may or may not jibe with who we are at our system core. Yes, it is possible to make choices that "go against the grain". People do it all the time. They long to fit in, to avoid loneliness, and sometimes even think that what their gut is telling them is wrong. All of these reasons are symptomatic. They point back to a misalignment, a thought pattern that tells us we are flawed and that our definition is wack. Well, I'm here to tell you that your definition kicks ass and that choices don't always determine our value.  Only perspective does that.  This is exactly why life is a Self Rendering and not a collective one.  

So, while the rest of the world might contribute to our definition, it does not determine what that definition is, because in the end, only perspective can do that. If you are part of a certain company, practice a certain style of yoga, and relate to certain folks, these things are the shading in your personal portrait. If you find you don't like a particular shade because it doesn't exactly mesh with who you want to be, then simply paint over it. Start again.  Yes, the old paint will still be there, but that's not a bad thing because the old paint allowed you to see that you weren't being true to you. Without that realization, you might never have become conscious of your power to change. Being thrown off-balance is never negative. Sometimes we have to veer off of one path in order to discover another, proving that "misalignment" is actually "re-alignment". 

Photo by Brandy

Look at That Pretty Van Gogh!

Misalignment can also give rise to creativity. Back in 2008, researchers discovered new masterpieces painted by Van Gogh, Picasso, and Rembrandt. These paintings were not found in a vault or the attic of some crusty, old cat lady. No, they were located beneath paintings that were hanging on museum walls. Using an X-ray machine, scientists realized that there were old portraits the artists never released to the public under layers of newer paint. These were pieces ultimately deemed unfit by their creators.  Of course, the rest of us view them as masterpieces, but the artists chose to paint over them, not necessarily because they were rubbish, but perhaps because they believed the portraits did not speak for them. The pieces did not resonate with what the artists were trying to say. This perfectly demonstrates the power of perspective. We all have the ability to step back and examine the life we have created. If a particular color does not jibe with who we are, we can re-render that definition with a simple flick of a brush.  

*******

In closing, to live by our own definition is to live happiness. There is truth at our system core. We have purpose and meaning, and that's a very good thing, because it gives life variety.  It gives it spice.  I don't know about you, but I love me some zest! 

So rock on wit ya' bad self!

Much Love! <3

Nichole

White Daughter Words of Wisdom:

White Daughter © Nichole M. Beamer 2009